VULGAR[ism]

For this birthday I wish myself to have a strength. Strength to overcome all shitty things which still happens and happens and happens..
And strength for not to shame.
I don`t have to shame about my outside look, my sexuality, my sense of humour, my taste of music, my family and myself.
I don`t know when this will end. This judgement and silent laughing from others. I`m sick of it.
I can read it in your eyes. That you don`t care. And trust me - neither do I.

I`m planning to leave LJ. And all other internet sites I`m in. Though LJ is too important for me, so I`ll think about it.

"Love really is painful", said bunny and hug hedgehog closer.

My mother told me this. And I really laugh.

There is one thing which is very funny, too. You know, people make pictures with their friends..boyfriends..girlfriends..
I myself make pictures with j-rockers. And sometimes with my cat, but only then when he doesn`t feel like to eat my camera.

( For christ or jrock sake )

Last few days I have to think about my problems with communication again. Actually, I feel like a extra geek. Not like in 12th grade when all I was doing, was fangirling, reading fanfics every evening and so on, I sat by my comp all day. It was kinda scary. But I`m not sitting infront of my computer all day right now because simply I don`t have normal internet, otherwise I would do it.
Aahh, skip this. I just want to say that it`s weird how I`ll be such a geek all my life. I thought, it would change. Funny life, boo hoo.

At least I`m not like one boy I know. He`s fucking 22 and he still writes in his journal smthn like this : I FUCKING HATE YOU ALL, DIE BITHES, YOU ALL ARE LIARS blahb;ahfvdsmgnfsgkjcv. Stupidity is his best friend, really.

Today I saw a jrock video in one music channel, could you imagine. And it was Lolita 23q which isn`t very popular, or maybe I`m wrong. Whatever, it was nice to see them in my little, black, spooky TV.

My mother is totally cool. Everytime when I go visiting my parents, she says something brilliant about me.
This time - about my hair.

Episode nr.1 : I`ve washed my hair and now go to her talking about smthn, but..
mum: omg! you look like a little hedgehog! you were born exactly with the same hair - black and messy!
me: cool xd

Episode nr.2 : I sit in sofa and read a magazine. Mum comes to me and watches at me for a while. Then..
mum: omg! you look like a japanese with this hair! all of them have your hair!
me: cool xd

Japanese hedgehog at your service, ladies and gentlemen.

Btw what is this faggotry? I always find weird pictures in my computer.



Btw nr.2 - this icon..I have no comments xd _{idk who made it though}



I finally get lots of DOREMIdan music *happy
I really want to look like Makoto. He has perfect style! *inluv

Long post is long. Period.

Things what audrey does in free time:
-reread "Alice in Wonderland" (yesterday mum asked me:"That book is a little bit schizophrenic, don`t you think so?" xd)
-rides a bike
-sleeps
-eats too much
-thinks about smoking but doesn`t do it (clapclap!)
-watches "Party Monster" again
-fantasizes about Uruha
Plastic Tree has a new drummer. It`s shocking. And his name is KenKen(!).I`m not sure if I like this name or not. Hmmm. I would like better if his name would be BarbieBarbie. *giggles
Actually it`s so weird that I haven`t listened to Pura very much lately. Almost all my LJ icons are with Ryutaro and they are one of my favourite bands. But when I listen to them too much, I start to feel very weird, actually.
I think it`s because when I see Ryutaro, I feel like a little girl who`s falling in love xd.

( Like this )

If I`ll have relationships with a man someday, I want to dress like a boy when I`m with him, so we`ll look like gaymen! Isn`t that great idea? I`ve always said that I want to make AoixUruha cosplay with my loved one! <sub>maybe that`s the reason why I`m still single and it seems that will be all my life</sub>

At this moment I can`t normally think about smoking or smthn else, though.

I KNEW IT. I knew that Kai is one hot piece of ass and he knows it by himself.
So your friend audrey is about going to sleep after long and tiring day. She just checks her friendpage one more time and finds some gazetto icons. And there is half naked Kai! Audrey thinks WTF and starts to find scans from which those icors were made. She finds out that scans are from ROCK AND READ magazine and..tadadadaa..finds them! And is totally shocked!

So, me, as a 24h gazetto fangirl, always have said that Kai has the most kinky mind in the band! All people just said oh, so sweet boy how lovely smile and those dimples oh he looks like a little teddy bear.
Bllsht.
Now when I`ve seen this:

I understand everything.
Everything *is drama queen
_{though he is skinny, he looks good. when I look at his pictures, I almost feel like I like boys again}

I AM 12 YEARS OLD IN THIS MOMENT AND I LOVE IT.
Uruha, please do half naked pictures, too.
Thanks, goodnight.
Sorry for spamming.

I quit smoking.
It makes me feel bad, my health is worse because of that and I look like a shit and it starts to feel that cigarettes taste like shit, also. Indeed.

It`s really funny but I`ll do anything to be prettier. Inner beauty is fucked-up thing if you look ugly from outside, right. whatever
I`m tired to put tons of make-up when I have to go out. I want to go out without make-up and feel how my skin breathes.
No, it doesn`t matter..make-up or not make-up, smoking or not smoking. I just want to be pretty to myself. My only lovely self, haha.
Sorry for this offtopic

It feels better when I write it down. Already 5th day without cigarettes. I don`t know when I`ll give up, because I always do. I`ve quit smoking 4 times. 5 times. Or many times.
waaah
I hope this is the last time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x36Kp5_ABO8

Those boys can really make you smile.
Btw, I keep telling people that Uruha is my dream man and if I`ll marry with someone, then only with him, how stupid is that. zero ztupid, because I`ll marry him. period

Uruha looks really drunk in this video.
I love it, yeesh.

All the bad things always come in the bunch. Pretty, big bunch.
And then you feel so lost, you can`t do anything. You just sleep and sleep and sleep, till you feel too tired to do even that.
Last few days were very deadlike for me.
Now I start to feel like a human. I suppose. But some things are totally ruined at this exact moment.

What saved me? Russian popmusic (no comments) and "Trainspotting" book (in latvian it`s harder to read it, but after all when I read this book, I understand that at least I`m not a stupid, dirty and..whatever.. junky. I don`t say that stupid and dirty junkies aren`t my passion, no).

And today I was in doll museum with my parents and it was nice. I got candy. I believe that my "little lost boy" look will help me in the future to get more candies, ha.

and here`s the part in this song
when you tell me you don`t care

First of all I`ll make meme, because misushi tagged me and all of you want to read my great answers, hohoo, i know it xd

( Read about my gorgeous personality )

I really love The Dresden Dolls. How would I live without Amanda? Oh.
I got new gazetto cd finally. And I saw full version of "INVISIBLE WALL", I was eating popcorn at that time and all popcorn fall out from my mouth but that`s normal. I always spit out my food while watching gazetto pv`s, haha.
Your little boy is very interested in pin-up lately, so he has a picture for you all, made by gorgeous deliriousnight

( I like Betty Page and I don`t shame about it! )

I wanted to tell all of you that I finally read some j-rock porn and I`m very happy about it *giggle.
My life is truly awesome - it consists of clothes, jrock and jrock porn.

Hohoo, now I`ll go and make new bloomers from a trousers which looks like a prisoner trousers. Prisoners and pirates are the best.

Yesh! I`m back and I`m cool (NOT).
I have to say that it is mega stupid, to have this journal and never post in it. When I get to internet, I open LJ just to read all dirty AoixUruha fanfictions I can find. Shame on me.
(BY THE WAY WHERE ARE ALL DIRTY AOIXURU FANFICS???? Yesterday I looked at all new gazetto fanfics and there are just some weird pairings like UruhaxReita and Uruhaxsome random Nightmare guy!!!)
I NEED PORN.

In other ways my life is so busy I don`t want to talk about it. At least today is free for me.

Still jrock obsessed? Yes!
INVISIBLE WALL by gazetto is something good, I must say. Actually I`m drooling over it all morning.

Is it me or this post is totally dumb.
The last thing I have to show you is my astronaut picture, I think I`ll finally start to make pictures again.
So the story is - there is a movie "I`m not there" what actually isn`t very good because some scenes are extra boring. But there is a woman who is a man (oh gosh, no, she isn`t a man, just actress Cate Blachett plays a musician Jude Quinn) and it totally rocks. I want to be like him! Or her..well, whatever. And there is a scene where an interviewer goes to that musician and says "Say smthn to your fans" and musician says just "Uh, astronaut" and steps into a car. It`s so cute.

( So here is my astronaut )

( me and my cousin *_* )

p.s. _{all new gazetto photoshoots are great, especially those new Kai, Uru and Rei photos. weeeeh, i melted when i saw their new style! *_*}

So i finally wrote my first (!) fanfiction ever, but, as english isn`t my first language, i need beta very bad. I know that many people on my f-list could help me, so, please someone help me, okay? ^^
About fic - it`s AoixUruxAoi from the GazettE, short, angst..smthn like that. My grammar isn`t horrible but not very good either..^^

I don`t want to tell about myself, so here is a macro for my lovely husband guitarist :
( Uru iz confused! )

A small update from me because it is so good when i get to internet in the school.
-My first exam is next Monday. :/
-I want to dance very badly. COME ON DISCO LIGHTS.
-My hero right now is Pete Doherty.
-I have so bad cold that i want to..just be healthy.
-I have my mum`s surname now oficially and it is nice.
-I think it`s time for me to show my real personality to some people. Not like it`s bad, it`s only different than they think.
-Es ļoti priecājos, ka satiku Kati. (it`s in latvian because it`s for only one person ^^)
-My new icon with Ryu is very beautiful. (of course i didn`t make it though)

..there are people who are really stupid and like to copy other people personalities. _{not like i didn`t know it earlier but still..}

How pathetic is that.
Very, very pathetic. I am really shocked.
I mean, there really are people who think that if my look is changing, my brain is changing, too. And it is very pathetic, too. Of course, people change and also their way of thinking, i am not against it, but this is not that time.

I am becoming more and more girly and actually it is a good thing.
Right now my hair is a little bit blond :) i look like Uruha!

The best thing of being girly is that i can act like one of those stupid `babes` but my brain is the same. I can act like i don`t understand everything, but actually i can. That is the best thing.